and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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