I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
