Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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