i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
