my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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