I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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