Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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