I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
