I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
