I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
