Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
