Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
