jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
