i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
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making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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