I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
