A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
