Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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