I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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