Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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