i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
