My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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