Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
