I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
