well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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