i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
