i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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