I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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