Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
