is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
