Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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