Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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