this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
