So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
