you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
