is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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