Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
