it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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