is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
