I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
