she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
