found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
