i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
