the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
