WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
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I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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