he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just had sex on a roof
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
