i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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