I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He shit in the fireplace
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
