Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
