Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
