Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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