just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
