So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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