Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
