becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
