the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
