just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just google imaged poop.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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