Umm I'm too high to move.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
