so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
