I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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