My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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