Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
