he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
