oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
