recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
