I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
