so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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