You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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