This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
