my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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