but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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