eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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