meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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