4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
